The photos above should feel really special, as they are some of my favorite pics taken during this year. You are still in the running towards becoming America's Next Top Model.
Yay, 'tis the season to publish a dramatic end-of-year post on how much I've grown and learned from my mistakes and how next year, I will start composting and become a part-time vegan, full-time pescatarian.
I swear I have this sarcastic, vegan-hating monkey inside of me that reminds me every now and then to update this thing I have called a blog. I'm not this terrible in person. And I don't have anything against vegans.
Okay, back to this post.
Yes, it's the end of 2016.
Yes, it went by super fast again.
Yes, I have my fair share of #RAHGRETS moments.
No, I did not stick to my 365-day ab-blaster program. Sorry to disappoint, Dahye from 2015.
So I'm now physically back in Canadia, and I felt so... how do I even say this in words? I felt nothing. Indifferent. Blasé. But not in a bad way. Just a platonic felt-like-I-never-left way. I did not even want to reach out to friends right away, because I wanted to avoid the question, "soooo, how was exchange?!?!"
Not because I don't want to see my friends, but I literally do not know how to answer this question that will both satisfy the person asking me, without making their ears bleed with details of my travels and life insights but are too nice to tell me they don't care, and making me feel like I'm selling myself short and discrediting my time abroad with smiley, "It was great!"
But then I thought, I went traveling and this and that for the simple reason that I am selfish. I didn't have any life revelations, or "find myself," or narrow down on exactly what I want to do with my career. I thought these kinds of "big life events" would lead to such epiphanies, but to be honest, I'm more or less the same. It was uncanny that after spending all this time and money, I come back to see that nothing changed. I found myself seeking for external changes, anything from that new bar to a new house plant. (a couple of house plants did pass away tho R.I.P.)
But my sock drawer is just as I left it, down to the single ones who are still awaiting their matching pair in the great mystery of washing machines that inarguably must eat some socks because where else would they disappear?
^round about way of saying that literally nothing changed.
I wanted to validate the changes I perceive internally in myself, by matching them to external changes. But nothing external can validate or prove this more than my own mind. Everything I did was for the sake of my own experiences and memories. The experiences I've had won't become more real by re-living them through story telling, and would maybe even make the memories less accurate by my mind embellishing them with details and edits. I know what I've gained and how I've grown and I am more than content with knowing that with myself, and of course Mx. sarcasm monkey. Ze monkey is gender neutral.
And so life moves on. We will embark on 2017, another year to fill with experiences and memories simply for the sake of creating experiences and memories.
I must end this post with a fitting quote from the master of platonic-tone literature, Milan Kundera:
"... insignificance, my friend, is the essence of existence. It is all around us, and everywhere and always... it is present in all its obviousness, all its innocence, in all its beauty. As you said yourself, the perfect performance... and utterly useless, the children laughing without knowing why- isn't that beautiful? Breathe, my friend, inhale the insignificance that's all around us, it is the key to wisdom, it is the key to a good mood."
Cheers to that.